How did you end up with a divorce on your record?
He cheated on me, and didn’t talk to me for four months all while sleeping in the same bed with me. So I left him.

Did you get an AIDS test?
Yeah. Of course I did.

You guys didn’t have any kids, right?
No, just one cat.

What happened to the cat?
I had him since I was 12, but he’s always lived with my parents. When we finally bought a house, I moved him down. 1 month later I moved him back to my parents’ house, cuz of all the shit going on.

What happened to your ex?
He got a government job, transferred to Portland, and had a kid with that slut – who, incidentally, looks just like me.

What happened to you after you left him?
I lost 25 lbs, and wanted to die for about 2 years. It was serious.

Did anything good come out of that experience?
I dug up 2 baby palms from the yard before I moved out of my house we just bought. They’re a healthy 6-7 feet tall now.

What does your future hold?
I’m in love with a black man.

Wasn’t our great-grandfather in the KKK?
Yeah. I remember Granny’s stories of finding the white robes. She’d disinherit me if she knew. I can’t afford that at this stage, what with my student loans from her.
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How did you two meet?
After a few major shifts in my life and before I went to get my Masters, I was waiting tables and he was a cook at this restaurant. I hit on him and he thought I was kidding. Once day I cornered him in the kitchen by the sink and asked him why he wouldn’t call me.

You’ve been a vegetarian since you were 17. How does that ideology work with his soul food diet?
I’ve started eating meat. Dark meat.

Can you understand him when he’s talking to you, cuz I sure can’t?
Usually I understand him okay. Sometimes I ask him to repeat what he just said. He is pretty black, after all.

Do you like the style of clothes he wears?
Yes. Actually I think he’s really cute when he wears his hat sideways.

So, is it true about black dicks?
David, the sex is SOOO good.

What do you guys talk about? You have a Masters degree and he doesn’t even have his GED.
Rodney took up Meteorology.

Is he a convicted felon?
Yeah. For murder. But that was a long time ago.

What??!!! Did he really kill someone?
Yeah. He was 16. It was a crack deal. I’m not kidding. He really was a thug.

You didn't tell mom that did you?
Hell no! Are you fucking kidding? Hell no.
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Anything new happen in the last few months that you would care to mention?
Dude. You know the story, don’t you? This girl I slept with almost 3 years ago let me know that she has a girl that is almost 3 years old, and that it might be mine. I had to go take a paternity test, and what do you know? I’m a dad.

Did you find out before or after you had moved back in with your parents?
After.

What did they think?
What do you mean, ‘what did they think?’ They fucking freaked! My dad found out before I knew he had found out. Apparently the girl’s mom had called my parents and explained the situation. I guess they were waiting for me to come clean. My dad was acting all weird, cuz he and my mom were waiting to confront me together. He was pissed.

Is the kid cute?
No. Red headed stepchild syndrome. Looks like my mom did, when she was a kid.

After impregnating a woman, what do you think the appropriate amount of time should be before she tells you that she’s pregnant?
Never.

Considering your current living situation, do you prefer having sex in the back seat of a car, or in a public restroom?
Back seat of a car.

Considering this huge shift in your life, are you a staunch advocate of condom use now?
Not really.

What the fuck is a Boomslang, anyway?
A snake, dumbass.
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---- Gay ----
Tradd Sanderson interviewed by David Sanderson

Anything new happen in the last few months that you would care to mention?
I saw the Darkness. Twice.

Do you like guys or dolls?
Guys, retard.

When did you first realize this?
The first time I put a dick in my mouth.

What did your parents think about you being with dudes?
Fortunately for me and my mental health, they weren’t there when I put that dick in my mouth.

What was your first experience like with a dude?
You were my first experience with a dude. Since the womb, retard.

I meant what was your first sexual experience with a dude like?
What do you mean what was it like? I blew my load and left. You’re my twin brother, so why the hell are you asking me this shit?

Just curious. You’d been with lots of girls before you came out, right?
Yeah. More than you, if I remember correctly.

So wait, you just got bored of chicks?
Yeah. Chicks are just too flabby and fat. I ain’t down with that soft shit.

Do you ever feel bad for your parents having to deal with a gay son?
Fuck no.